Crash! Bash! Just you believe it! All the wonderful majesty of god will come crashing down upon thy head! Just you be sure of it and watch out why don’t you?
No madam, fear ye not! It’s a certainty that you’ll be exempted if you’ve a clear conscience. It’s all that you need and if you don’t have one then you’ll surely burn in hell for all eternity! Gosh! Yes, you’ll burn all right! I can see it in your eyes you know. I can see if you’ll burn and your guilty face says you’ve done a thing or two.
No, madam, don’t scream and wail. It won’t save you! You have to leave that to the Lord! I’ll try to have a word with him, yes, I can try to save you but it won’t be easy.
That don’t mean I won’t do my best though. I like a futile struggle against dark forces as much as the next man. I like these tests that the Lord sends me. “Send me more, Lord!” I shout up at Him, “I feel I can handle some more! Send me as many as you like!” That’s what I say to Him even though he knows all ready.
It doesn’t matter to the Lord nor me one way or the other whether I succeed or fail as long as I’m doing His Work! These miserable sinners aren’t worthy to look in the eyes of the Lord. They can burn for all I care! They’re not me and I know God’s sweet with me for all this fear I’m spreading in the name of a Good Cause. With all the Righteous Terror I’m spreading, I know He’s willing to overlook that silly business that I do on Tuesdays. I’m His sheepdog that keeps the naughty animals from straying too far from the path and that’s all that matters.
So what if I enjoy it? Judging people is a sin so don’t you judge me! Don’t you judge me with the Great Lord watching you! Don’t you dare answer back to God! He won’t tolerate it! You’ll find yourself warming your behind on the Devil’s Toaster soon enough!
All I can say in my humble humility is that if, in my pious anger and fury, I find that their fear helps them to find Jesus half as much as it amuses the pants off of me, then they’ll sure be well on their way away from where they are now in their foolish debauchery. Hell, they’ll half be in Bethlehem itself!
Oh my! Oh my! Isn’t it exciting?
